Gaffney General. Just saw off Zee to work.

She’s a bit on edge. She’s spending time and thought and meditation on awkward depths of herself, and it’s hard to address these things. Some of it was sparked by the turkish-australian world cup match yesterday, and all the Turkish nationalism and pride that she’s experienced over her life. Of course, much of it is fine, and the areas that aren’t are (of course) duplicated in all nations. Still, it bought back some memories.

We have a running joke (actually a hard reality) that I should never attempt humour or deep thought or science before her first coffee. Whilst true, it’s also very good for bringing out issues that need talking through. One of them is the humour itself! After so long in he UK, I have adopted the wind-up humour, whereby any pretentiousness or silliness must attract ridicule. Barb suffered with this, as she has a delicate self belief, and is easily threatened. She got used to it (of sorts) but Zee isn’t there yet, and is more conditioned to take it seriously. I need to develop more sensitivity there, especially when that added to her mood this morning.

I tried to let my default node network do its stuff this morning, while Z was meditating. It’s hard though: need to do more research there.

We’ve both been thinking through this Nick Cave letter. I put a clipboard in front of the toilet, and regularly change it according to what catches my interest:

Following the last few years I’m feeling empty and more cynical than ever. I’m losing faith in other people, and I’m scared to pass these feelings to my little son. Do you still believe in Us (human beings)?

VALERIO, STOCKHOLM (AND ROME), SWEDEN (AND ITALY)

Dear Valerio,

You are right to be worried about your growing feelings of cynicism and you need to take action to protect yourself and those around you, especially your child. Cynicism is not a neutral position — and although it asks almost nothing of us, it is highly infectious and unbelievably destructive. In my view, it is the most common and easy of evils.

I know this because much of my early life was spent holding the world and the people in it in contempt. It was a position both seductive and indulgent. The truth is, I was young and had no idea what was coming down the line. I lacked the knowledge, the foresight, the self-awareness. I just didn’t know. It took a devastation to teach me the preciousness of life and the essential goodness of people. It took a devastation to reveal the precariousness of the world, of its very soul, to understand that it was crying out for help. It took a devastation to understand the idea of mortal value, and it took a devastation to find hope.

Unlike cynicism, hopefulness is hard-earned, makes demands upon us, and can often feel like the most indefensible and lonely place on Earth. Hopefulness is not a neutral position either. It is adversarial. It is the warrior emotion that can lay waste to cynicism. Each redemptive or loving act, as small as you like, Valerio, such as reading to your little boy, or showing him a thing you love, or singing him a song, or putting on his shoes, keeps the devil down in the hole. It says the world and its inhabitants have value and are worth defending. It says the world is worth believing in. In time, we come to find that it is so.

Love, Nick

We both keep finding angles to this, but lately it’s been avoiding dropping into cynicism about everything, which is the most dangerous part of doomscrolling. So I’m working to avoid it as best as I can. Zee is suddenly really aware of the dangers too, since she spends a lot of time on Turkish media, basically documenting the fall of her country.

But on a more banal level, today is House Cleaning Day. yay.