Friday at George.
Normally pumpkin bread morning, but we’re trying to be better with food. Not a strength lately!
Later in life, all relationships suffer the same fear, that after all your stories are told, you’ll simply stare at each other over dinner with nothing to say. Morning like this really ameliorate that fear. Zee was late to work because we had so much to work through. A close friend’s death last week has bought out loads in us both, and the realisation that there’s so much to address in our past. We’re very similar in our journey, and that makes it easier, and even wonderful, to move forward.
She also settled a fear I’ve had for most of the relationship. I’ve had no formal work throughout, while she has been at Qatar throughout. I’ve been driven to not be lazy, or seen as lazy. This has been good and bad. Stuff got done (especially divorce, kids and keeping Macquarie running) but I was always edgy about our calls. Occasionally I’d write out beforehand what I’d done, in the hope that I could justify my work. She really didn’t care.
Now I’m here, and she’s paying for me, and so it feels a little more intense. Every sideways comment about me not getting around to something, however innocent, is a little jarring. A few days ago, she mentioned how long the website is taking, and it threw me. To be fair, it’s taking as long as it’s taking within my household workload, but still….
But this morning, she offered without knowing my state, that she’s amazed at how much I get done each day, and is impressed that I drive myself each day, and that I don’t just sit around and watch TV. She actually said that I have more pressure than her, because her world is just paying back her salary, whereas my pressure is my own, and optional.
I relax.