Windy and grey outside, and very uninviting. I had a weird sleep, but without obvious reason (somehow making it more annoying). As a result, I’m thinking I should stay away from heavy machinery today. I have one of those days ahead that are both a gift and a curse simultaneously. I have no big jobs that immediately need resolution (or at least research). I have no commitments to charity or volunteering. I have no workplace to demand my day So gift then! But when all the decision making for the day ahead is my own (rather than through outside circumstances), then all the decision making is my own! And that is way less comfortable than having life dictated for me.
Why? Because I no longer have excuses for Not doing the next right thing. The writing (at least I got here!), the nursing home website construction (daunting), the house cleaning. Etc etc etc.
Play those violins now.
The website is interesting as a mirror. As part of all my ‘‘wise men talking" immersion, the message lately has been you’ve no idea of what’s going to happen when a daunting task is in front of you. Being (terminally) afraid of step 7 ahead of you is mostly cowardice, when anything could happen once you’ve actually found some courage to start. I’ve done an awful lot already (way past step 7), and overcame a lot of issues to get to where I am. However I still struggle to admire it at this point, and every time I start, there’s always the ‘why bother’ hump to get over. But that’s true of all endeavours of any worth, big and small, so I’m getting used to that. This is especially true as a read of the difficult paths of those great people.
I’m still processing the history podcast from last year. I went to a huge amount of effort to pull together all the necessary elements, and to actually produce a fairly credible result. I can take pride in that. I didn’t just give up when it became difficult. Oddly, I gave up when the first iteration (the most difficult one) was complete. At the time (and maybe still now) I came to the conclusion that I had nothing much to say, and wasn’t great at saying even that. Even with distance, I think that’s still true, especially in the over populated podcast sphere.
Or maybe I’m just lazy!