At Gaffney St General. Not my favourite cafe, due their love of Ibiza club classics first thing in the morning. But the coffee is good, and it’s convenient to the train, so Z can whip off quickly when it comes. Atmospheric walk down in the fog too. Zee is quiet this morning, which I’m trying to respect and not rabbit on.
I’m a bit annoyed at myself today. Last night we had a new tutor at Tai Chi. He’s gentle, and very very soft spoken, such that you barely catch half of what he says. And Zee told me afterwards that I let my frustration show. I considered not going back (it’s hard to learn Tai Chi like this) but it’s probably best I do so I can learn from this in other ways, when I pride myself on being gentle. It will certainly force me to do more homework beforehand.
Lots of evening talks with Zura lately. Mum’s going through one of her phases of trying to convince the kids that I’m not nearly as nice as they think I am, and that if they only knew the evil things I did in the marriage, then clarity and truth would shine out. I actually want to know what she thinks I did! But each time shew goes there it throws the kid’s equilibrium, and indeed it had zura in tears. So at my pushing, she communicated solid boundaries with B to not talk of this stuff with her again. That will be good. Clara was on her shoulder as she talked with us. Weirdly any talks from Monday will likely have Clara on our shoulders. She arrives on Monday.
Yesterday was interesting. I had to meet Zee at the bank near her work at lunch to sort some financials, and afterwards she went to work, and I went to the potter part of the NGV. I’d slept badly and the eyes were sort, but I do remember something from my working days. When this happened back then, I often used to be more creative, and I’d find otherwise hidden answers and insights. So when I’m rough now, I try and lean into it, and see how it changes my outlook. Also my man Brooks is big on suffering, and the way it helps you grow. At 64, pain is likely to be coming eventually (later please!), so I figure I should try and make a relationship now while it’s gentle.